Debate Looks At Both Sides Of Adultery

By Carol Cavazos, CBS 11 News

GRAPEVINE (CBSDFW.COM) – Is adultery in your DNA?

That was the topic that two men were debating on Thursday night. In one corner, the founder of a website designed to assist married men and women in setting up affairs online. In the other corner, the pastor of a North Texas mega-church.

Ashley Madison is the matchmaking website that helps people cheat on their spouses. Founded in 2002 by Noel Biderman of Canada, the site has grown into a multimillion dollar company. According to Biderman, the service that his website provides is helpful. “For a lot of people, it’s a marriage preservation device,” he said. “It may be an unhealthy marriage preservation device, but it is a preservation device.”

The site has more than 140,000 members in the DFW area alone. This is Ashley Madison’s second-fastest growing market.

Ed Young is the founder and senior pastor of Fellowship Church. He responded by saying, “It does not take Dr. Phil or a relational rocket scientist to say that is wrong.” Young believes that it is time to put God back in the bedroom. “Let’s bring the bed back in church, and God back in the bed. I believe when you do that, it’ll take your marriage and your life to a whole other level.”

To really drive that point home, in 2008, Young brought a real bed into his church. Lisa, his wife of 29 years, said, “I grew up in a home where sex wasn’t even talked about openly. So, these are things we want to not only communicate to our children, but also to our church.”

Young did have home-field advantage during this debate, which was held at Fellowship Church. A number of church members attended to learn more about the topic, and cheer on the pastor. “I think it’s messed up that somebody would do that,” said Dan Baldis – who actually attends another church – about the Ashley Madison website. “I want to see Ed Young just kind of nail it.”

This was not the first time that Young and Biderman have debated on this topic, and they did not rule out another debate in the future. So, while the crowd may have been behind Young on Thursday night, there is no telling where this conversation will go the next time that they meet.

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  • G.J.

    BOTH sides of Adultery? That ‘s like being in favor of Tuberculosis, or Leukemia.

  • K.B

    I have been on a side of adultery. The side of the one that was at home taking care of a child not knowing that her husband was out having multiple affairs. I know FIRSTHAND the pain of this knife and the heartbreak. What this man does on his website DISGUSTS me and frankly, makes me sick to my stomach. BOTH sides of adultry? How about you bring in some women that are from MY SIDE and see how the debate goes…. Have fun in hell Mr. Biderman… We all should open our Bibles and revisit the Ten Commandments….

    • Akber Jafferi

      For KB, I am truly sorry to my own wife for being completely bad and committing such a big sin. She is the Gift God has given me to take care of, and I was bouncing out of a very bad ending to what I thought was TRUE LOVE with my 1st EXwife. I suffered a lot in my mind and I took that out on my wife in the WORST way possible. I even tried to reconcile with my Exwife actually thinking that my Ex still loved me. In the end I am completely alone because my Exwife NEVER CARED ABOUT ME and my WIFE is afraid to come back to me even though I reverted back to the good husband she first married.
      My Exwife continues on her path to hell even marrying HER WIMPY EXHUSBAND who will not be able to love her enough to himself become her guide out from her evil ways. She is FOREVER LOST and even cheated on me when we were married.
      I am sorry to confess my stupidity here but the world has to understand I absolutely thought she[my Ex] loved me enough to try to become a good person in front of God. THAT IS ALL I WANTED FOR HER.

    • BTDT

      I whole heartedly agree. BTDT Not only did my ex-wife cheat, she also contracted and passed on STD’s

  • Hank

    the age old battle of denial. I am over 50 years old so have lived long enough to know what is fact and fiction. I believe men and women are not built to be Monagamous. We are however “conditioned” thru what we have deemed as accepted and expected behavior. Genetically I think all of us are drivin to mate with whomever we find attractive. Mentally many are disciplined to fight those NATURAL urges and remain faithfull. That term in itself defineds the reason we feel this is unaccepable. FAITH. Monagamy is rooted in Religious beliefs and NOT genetics. I dont not believe is it NATURAL. Most people I know would have sex with someone else in a heartbeat IF they knew no one would ever find out. However, most deny that with vigor. How many of you both men and women KNOW for afact you have friends that have cheated. You would quickly admit to knowing ppl that would or have cheated but you yourself, of course would NEVER… hmmm.. really???

  • D.F.

    Mr. Biderman says that by commiting adultery you can save your marriage??? That is like saying having cancer can help you lose weight. These two are similar in that in both cases, quite often something comes to an end. Either life or a marriage. I would hope we as christians would pray for Mr. Biderman, so that God, through his debates with Pastor Young, may open his eyes and change his heart. That is how a person truly changes, is from the inside out.

  • SJ

    I think it’s a great site. This way, people will no right away the person they are hooking up with is completely untrustworthy.

  • LN

    Adultery is ok if all parties agree to the arrangement. It is the lack of honesty, and the use of deception on the part of the cheater and victimization of the innocent party that is the problem.
    Monogamy may not be for everyone and that is ok, but they should be up front about that fact to the person they wish to have a long-term committed relationship with. Otherwise, honor your commitments. That is what makes a person mature and honorable – abiding by the commitments one makes.
    I agree with SJ – at least with this site you will know right away that the person you are hooking up with can’t be trusted.

  • K.B

    If you have opinions such as those of Hank, DONT COMMIT. Dont make a commitment to a person that trusts your word and your promise to be faithful. Run around and do whoever you want, just dont commit and hurt innocent people. Its that simple. You can not quite fathom what adultery does to a person, to their children, until you live it…. it is something that does not simply just go away. The hurt resides in your heart for years. The impact of those “Natural” actions are very extreme. If being faithful is not “natural” to you, then DONT MAKE THAT COMMITMENT.

  • KL

    I have been cheated on. My husband walked out on me and our son 10 days before Christmas and took all the money with him living me with $0.82 in the account and no bread. HOWEVER, while the pain is there for what he has caused, he is not completely at fault. YES I have looked at other men and thought, hmmmm…who hasn’t? If your going to sit there on your a$$’s and tell everyone that they are unfaithful, just remember the NEXT time you see that drop dead hot georgous body on that man or woman and remember your NOW cheating on your other half. So take your Holier than God attitudes and shove them where the son doesn’t shine because EVERYONE looks and thinks. Some just act on it, others pretend their other half is that hot body they saw earlier.

  • K.B

    The vows of marriage do not say anything about looking at the opposite sex. They say LOVE HONOR RESPECT CHERISH etc… FORSAKING ALL OTHERS. Your husband cheating is not your fault because you may or may not have LOOKED at the opposite sex! HE chose to ACT on those thoughts…just as mine did. He chose to scratch out the FORSAKING ALL OTHERS line of his vows and give in to those hormonal drives that every human being has. Finding someone of the opposite sex attractive is NOT cheating on your spouse. The Ten Commandments do not read Thou Shall not find another person attractive. They read THOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY. COMMIT IT. YES everyone looks and thinks! But the question is, WHO is strong enough to HONOR THEIR COMMITMENTS????

  • FedUpTxn

    The basis of most law around the world is the ten commandments, which are also the necessary terms to a civilized society. So few of them are followed by today’s society. Churches support illegal immigrants, but ignore the fact that they are violating “thou shalt not steal”, or “thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s goods” or “thou shalt not bear false witness”. Adultry has consequences, morally as well as medically and mentally. But it is common today to find any excuse to claim people are not responsible for their own bad decisions. Morality, integrity, and ethics are virtually dead in today’s world and it will continue to decline until good people stand up and say ENOUGH! I hope this website becomes well visited by PI’s who catch the cheaters and they loose everything in the family courts.

    • K.B

      well said…and i agree!

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