DALLAS (105.3 THE FAN) Leading off Today’s “Jock Itch:” There’s a sad little Cubs fan who’s questioning Wrigley field’s rules pertaining to obese Cubbies fans! He wrote in to a blog site saying, “I’m watching the Cubs pregame and behind the hosts is a HUGE guy. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone that big, let alone, sitting in a stadium seat! How does this work? What about the people next to him? I have so many questions but this makes me sad as a Cubs fan.”

Incidentally, there’s a post online titled, “The Art of Science of Beer Vending Part 1” on Chicago Now and it states, “Wrigley Field was built in 1914, and back then, they didn’t think much about things such as fire codes, plastic beer bins, or obesity.”

Discuss amongst yourselves…http://deadspin.com/#!5788298/a-sad-cubs-fan-has-questions-about-wrigley-field-rules-pertaining-to-obese-cubs-fans

And in OTHER “itch” worthy news…

NFL Golden-boy Tom Brady’s role as the first name in an anti-trust case could hurt his perfect image! As the first hearing in the high-stakes antitrust lawsuit filed on behalf of ALL players against every team approaches, Tom’s name is the first at the top of the stack of the ten named plaintiffs.

Ian Rapoport of the Boston Herald is exploring to what extent Tom’s involvement in the case of Tom Brady vs. the National Football League will cause potential corporate partners to shy away from him!

But the move, as another expert told Rapoport, gives Brady “street cred” among his peers — something that may or may not diminish the perception that he whines to officials for roughing-the-passer calls, and often gets them. (nooo… Brady would NEVER do THAT!)

I guess Tom could use the whole, “But look at Reggie White” excuse! White was named at the outset of the first antitrust lawsuit filed by a decertified NFLPA against the league in the early ’90s and it didn’t impact his career, either on, or off the field. Now, given, that case was pursued under far different circumstances, it could still rhetorically bolster Tom Brady’s personal case here.

So, to sum it up, Tommy Boy could be directly responsible for killing the event that helped place a giant chip on his shoulder when he slid all the way to pick No. 199 back in 2000. http://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2011/04/04/tom-bradys-role-as-first-name-in-antitrust-case-could-hurt-his-image/

Speaking of Tom Brady, his public woes don’t stop there. The Daily Star is reporting that three of his security guards who worked his wedding to his gorgeous wife, Gisele Bundchen, are going on trial for attempted murder! They supposedly opened fire on two celebrity photographers.

The official report is claiming that the photogs were on public property but the three guards forced them on to private property before demanding their cameras and film. When the photogs refused to hand everything over, that’s when they claim one of the guards shot at their car, nearly hitting one of them.

But like we always say. Regardless of ANYTHING, at the end of the day, he’s STILL Tom Brady: Multiple Super Bowl rings, fabulous hair, and he gets to knock the bottom end out of Gisele Bundchen…http://benmaller.com/2011/04/nfl-stars-security-team-on-trail-for-attempted-murder/

Oakland Raiders receiver, Louis Murphy was busted over the weekend for possession of Viagra without a valid prescription!

He was also charged with failure to obey a police officer and resisting arrest without violence. Louis kept refusing to present his ID and when they attempted to handcuff him, he refused to put his hands behind his back.

He finally allowed the cops to search his Cadillac Escalade after it took THREE cops to detain him. When they did, they found a bottle of Viagra with 11 pills inside, but Louis couldn’t provide a prescription and allegedly claimed that he took the label off because he “didn’t want his girlfriend to know he had a prescription for it.” By the way, he’s only 23-years-old. (Boy, Louis, if you’re already dealing with THIS at 23, the future prognosis isn’t looking too good here, my friend.)

Louis is no stranger to the po-po. Back in 2006, he was busted for possession of marijuana. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/04/04/louis-murphy-arrested-viagra_n_844494.html

Kansas City Chiefs linebacker, Mike Vrabel says that he was busted for felony theft at a casino in Indiana, but that it was a huge misunderstanding! (Sure, kinda like the whole Dez Bryant “accidentally” not paying hundreds of thousands of dollars in outstanding debt thing.)

Anyway, Mike was seen by an enforcement agent taking eight bottles of beer from a deli without paying for them. He was booked on a Class D felony and released after posting $600 dollars bond. (FYI, in Indiana, theft of anything, regardless of value is a Class D felony and it carries a sentence of six months to three years in prison.)

Via his agent, he made this statement: “It was an unfortunate misunderstanding, and I take full responsibility for the miscommunication. I feel comfortable that after talking with the appropriate parties, we will resolve this matter.”

I’m sure the surveillance video will show how he  was “misunderstood” when he “accidentally” walked up to the cooler and “accidentally” pulled out eight beers “on accident” and that him physically walking up to the cooler really is just a “misunderstanding.”

Unreal… http://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2011/04/04/mike-vrabel-arrested-for-felony-theft-in-indiana/

Last week, it was reported that Madden: NFL ’12 is going to have a new game feature where the game will stop players with concussions from returning to games and helmet-to-helmet hits on defenseless players will be banned. These moves, of course, are to emulate the new enhanced NFL guidelines for treating head injuries this season and all of this was championed by John Madden himself!

He explained it like this: “Concussions are such a big thing, it has to be a big thing in the video game,” Madden told the paper. “It starts young kids — they start in video games. I think the osmosis is if you get a concussion, that’s a serious thing and you shouldn’t play. Or leading with the head that you want to eliminate. We want that message to be strong.” Madden said he thinks kids learn football more from his video game now than from playing with their friends. “We want it handed off to the next generation,” he said of the concussions message. “There was a time when someone would get a concussion and you’d say he just got dinged, take some smelling salts and get back in the game. Those days are over.”

On a side note, in Madden 12, broadcasters will also yap about how serious a concussion is when they happen in the game. http://benmaller.com/2011/04/john-madden-demands-nfl-video-game-changes/

Rumor has it that Notre Dame’s star wide receiver, Michael Floyd, could get hit with a five-game suspension from the school after he was arrested for suspicion of drunken driving.

He had a record breaking wide receiver and he’d be sitting out at least five games of his senior season.

Not a good way to help beef up your numbers before you decide to go pro, Mike… http://www.fannation.com/truth_and_rumors/view/276090-five-game-suspension-for-notre-dame-wr#ixzz1IYXk4HiZ

Just when things couldn’t get any more twisted in the Steve Nash/Black Baby Saga, here’s one more! The reported black baby ISN’T black after all and apparently, it was STEVE and NOT his wife that was cheating this whole time!

Good grief already! Okay, let’s do the rundown.

First, the story was that Steve’s wife, Alejandra, had an affair and got knocked up by it, prompting the two to get a divorce just a day after she gave birth. The said affair was to have been with his teammate Leandro Barbosa. That theory was quashed and then Jason Richardson was being blamed. Well, they’ve both been crossed off of the list because NOW the story is that Steve had an affair with a 22 year old African-American girl and the baby in question, regarding his ex-wife, isn’t even black!

His ex-wife did an interview with a magazine and included in the article is a picture of his ex, his twin daughters, AND his WHITE baby!

The only thing true so far in this whole thing is that Steve DID have an affair and is still currently dating the 22 year old.

And if the baby was a stand-in for the photo op, his PR people REALLY did some amazing spin control on a story, considering HE was the guilty party and the teammate rumor story was concocted to overshadow HIS cheating!

How is Alejandra NOT going on VH1’s “Basketball Wives” with this craziness!?!? http://www.terezowens.com/steve-nash-black-baby-revealed-its-white-all-right/ 

Poor New Jersey Nets. It’s just been one of those seasons, even down to the Nets PR guy accidentally emailing his media contact list to complain that he couldn’t find a soul to buy his tickets off of him! (No lie.)

So since the love affair with Deron Williams pretty much ended before it even began, the organization is trying to drum up some excitement in Newark, by means of Kris Humphries!

The Nets have launched an “Incredible Hump” campaign to get some hype surrounding him for the most improved player award, and the all-defensive team. Basically, they’ve got a picture of Kris made out to look like the “Incredible Hulk,” with a list of his stats and accomplishments featured next to the picture.

I don’t know how much fan excitement it’s going to stir up, considering he might be done for the year, thanks to a heel injury.

Fear not, Nets fans. It could be worse. You could be a Timberwolves fan right now… http://deadspin.com/#!5788818/kris-the-incredible-hump-humphries-would-like-you-to-vote-for-him-for-some-things

Tons of athletes are superstitious, doing pre-game routines and rituals before they get geared up for a game. But the Warriors’ Monte Ellis actually dips his hands in hot wax and says he’s been doing it for years after it improved a finger injury a while back ago. He swears by its power and literally has a vat of hot wax waiting for him wherever he goes.

Click on the link and take a look for yourself as he describes it…http://www.terezowens.com/monta-ellis-strange-pre-game-ritual/

Kentucky coach John Calipari may be entertaining the notion of coming back to the NBA! A source is saying that he’s been leaving the distinct impression that he “wants back in,” although he’s recruiting and conducting business as usual as head coach of the Wildcats.

Apparently, Calipari has never really gotten over how he was fired by the Nets 20 games into the 1999 lockout season… http://www.fannation.com/truth_and_rumors/view/275951-source-calipari-wants-back-in-nba#ixzz1IYWKWaN0

And finally…

I LOVE this hilarity! An Atlanta-area kickball team recently suffered a demoralizing 20-0 loss! Keep in mind, some people take kickball VERY seriously, as evidenced by one player who actually went all “Earl Weaver” on his fellow teammates by sending out a pretty scathing email, expressing his frustrations over the loss. He even proceeds to call out certain people who remain “redacted.” (They’re probably thankful that their ID is being concealed because then no-one will know that they’re actually on AN ADULT KICKBALL TEAM!)

Anyway, as you’re reading the incensed email below, remember, this is still kickball we are still talking about.

Here goes…

“Let me ask a real simple question… What was that? Seriously, did you guys just think you could show up and win? That was pathetic. Again, pathetic. I know we kid around a lot and try to have fun and a good time, but what is the point if you guys aren’t even going to try? I can count several instances, and not to name names but I think I will this time just to get my point across…

[redacted], are you just trying to show off your speed by letting the ball drop in front of you when you play the outfield so you can run and get it? joke. Do you not care? If you don’t care that is fine, but some of us do.

[redacted], how about running out your kicks after they’re in play instead of just jogging down to first base as though it doesn’t matter. joke. you got very lucky the ref called you safe. you were out.

[redacted], your obp% is the worst on the team. I thought you played before.

[redacted], great pitching and defense… yeah right, I can count about 3 or 4 plays in my head where you just allow them, basically, to reach base and score, and you probably cost us 5 runs single handedly. great job dude.

Some of you guys are striking out, others can’t catch a pop fly, others don’t even know which base to throw the ball to. Are you guys adults. Thought this was an adult kickball league, as in you act like adults and play the way you are supposed to.

Do you want to play?

I thought you joined this league to be competitive and win, but maybe I thought wrong.

Tell ya what, if any of you guys are going to bring that lame s**t out to field next week, why don’t you do us all a favor and just stay home and watch t.v. instead. Seriously, I am embarrassed to be a part of this. We LOST 20 – 0 tonight. That is a freaking joke.

Again, I know we joke around and try to have fun, and I’m not trying to be Mr. Serious here, but that was not fun. I am not kidding, don’t come next week if you are going to act like a bunch of children out there.

Thank you to the people who did try tonight:

mainly [redacted], myself, [redacted], and [redacted]. and [redacted].

The rest of you better think about what I’m talking about unless you don’t care in which case we don’t want you coming out anyway.

 F*****G JOKE”

No, sir. The “F*****G JOKE” here is that you ranted like this about…. KICKBALL for Godssakes! http://deadspin.com/#!5788716/kickball-rec-league-captain-sends-out-fantastically-bitchy-email-to-his-underperforming-team

And THAT’s my “Jock Itch!”


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