DALLAS (105.3 THE FAN) Leading off my “Jock Itch” for Today: Big Ben Roethlisberger’s up to bathroom shenanigans, UH-GAIN!

But wait a minute…this time it doesn’t involve alcohol, a co-ed, and an alleged rape!


The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette is reporting that Ben put the nameplate from his most recent Super Bowl appearance in his potty (which, if you think about it) IS quite fitting to memorialize the crappy end to his season.

He said, “To see that every day is just motivation for me to work out, to bust my butt to not let it happen again because I want to be a champion. And, right now, I’m not a champion.”

Ben also keeps the nameplates from his two championships along with other memorabilia in a game room in his house.

Maybe the Super Bowl XLV nameplate in his crapper will be a daily reminder about finishing number 2… www.post-gazette.com

And in OTHER “itch” worthy news…

Cowboys wide-out Dez Bryant is FINALLY paying up on some bills to his creditors!

(I can’t help but have Destiny’s Child’s “Bills, Bills, Bills” song in my mind anytime I hear of anymore Dez/bill drama.)

Anyway, he’s reached a settlement with the A+A Diamonds and Rafaello Company jewelers over his skipped payment of $246,000 bucks, though the terms of the official settlement haven’t been disclosed by the jewelers’ attorney.  Of course, this was towards a mere $267,000 tab that he racked up at this certain jeweler, who caters their extremely high-end jewelry (think Cartier) for celebs and athletes.

See! Dez’s attorney,Texasstate Senator Royce West WAS right! They were going to settle the matter ASAP. (please note extreme sarcasm with the preceding statement.)

Not shockingly, Dez was “unavailable” for comment… www.theredzone.com

Believe it or not, a Houston Oilers helmet sold at a charity auction for $2 MILLION bucks last week in Beaumont!

The Oilers franchise hasn’t been around for YEARS, but apparently, it’s still pretty popular in the hearts (and wallets) of loaded Texans! KHOU TV in Houston is saying that an Oilers helmet, autographed by a number of players and legendary coach (and Wade Phillip’s daddy) Bum, sold for TWO MILLION bucks!  www.khou.com

MLB legend, Lenny Dykstra, was busted at his home after being targeted by the feds for allegedly embezzling more than $400,000 grand from his OWN bankrupt estate!

Oh, Lenny…

Officials are claiming that he “stole and destroyed more than $400,000 worth of property in the estate.” FYI—Lenny filed for bankruptcy back in 2009 and he’s not legally allowed to sell off any of the items that make up the bankruptcy estate. Any property that he has MUST be used only to pay off his creditors and all of his transactions HAVE to be initiated by a court-appointed trustee.

Here’s the best “genius” of Lenny in action: He loaded up a ton of his expensive personal items into some U-Haul truck (we’re talking furnishings and fixtures) and hawked them to a consignment store inLos Angeles. He was also trying to “discretely” sell some of his stuff on eBay and Craigslist…including sports memorabilia! He’s also accused of tearing out his $50,000 sink from his $18 million dollar mansion (which, I don’t know WHAT this thing could be made out of for a 50 grand price tag) and literally installing it in his office in another city.

And the story gets better! Before Lenny was hit with the embezzlement charges, he was popped for buying cars through “fraudulent” means!

Good grief, Lenny! Isn’t driving drunk from John Kruk’s bachelor party, sexually harassing housekeepers and teenagers at car washes, and being named in the Mitchell Report enough excitement already for you?

If he’s convicted, Lenny faces up to five years in federal prison. www.tmz.com

Orioles pitcher, Justin Duchscherer is talking about his depression in May’s issue of Men’s Journal, where he says he actually feels guilty over making so much money to play in the Bigs.

“People think if you’re rich, you must be happy,” he says. “They can’t understand why you’re not. I feel guilty making so much money playing a game. If I pitch a shutout, it doesn’t make me happy. I think of the guys I struck out, how they’re going home, depressed, to their families.”

Yes, Justin. I’m sure they are deeply sinking into a depression and sobbing to their families over YOUR shutout.

He also says that his biggest problem is that he’s just a softie in a profession of hard guys, adding, “I’d prefer to be playing tennis.”

In related news, Justin, tennis ace Andy Roddick still gets to knock the bottom out of his hot model wife, Brooklyn Deckler. www.mensjournal.com

There’s a Cubbies pitcher that you’ve probably never heard of that just bought a 17 room mansion in Chicago! Sean Marshall, he’s the reliever, just threw down on a 17-room, 7,400 square foot mansion! It’s got 5 bedrooms, 6 ½ baths, FOUR fireplaces, glass walls, wood beams, a guest APARTMENT suite WITH an elevator, theater, billiard room and tons more.

In six seasons with the Cubbies, he’s got a 27-34 career record with a 4.20 ERA. www.chicagotribune.com

Michael Jordan apparently is SO worried about his safety, that he has “presidential-level security” (ala President Obama) with him when he’s out and about!

The New York Post spotted him at a restaurant in Manhattan, where he was hanging out with some friends. MJ had multiple bodyguards around his table near the very back of the restaurant and the staff kept fans away from even approaching him.

Good grief, did they escort him in the glass pope-mobile too?

Former NBA player Dikembe Mutombo WAS able to sneak over and have some drinks with him, although I’m sure he probably had to submit a blood test and physical proof that he WAS in fact Dikembe… Unreal. www.nypost.com

Celtics star Kevin Garnett REALLY likes smacking locker room attendants’ booties!

Well, at least in one video clip, anyway.

Kevin was featured in some deleted scenes from “The Association Episode 5” and at about the 1:20mark, he decides to give a guy a nice little smack. Take a look for yourself here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2xoMuUOx35I&feature=player_embedded#at=93

Speaking of the NBA and getting smacked, the commish’s right hand man says that nearly 75% of ALL NBA teams will lose some serious money this season!

Bloomberg is reporting that David Stern’s NBA Deputy Commissioner, Adam Silver, claimed that 22 of the 30 teams are projected to lose money this season, and overall, the league is expected to lose $300 MILLION!

Because of this craziness, the NBA is going to actually use these figures to try to get the players to cough up some of their money and hand it back!

Good luck with THAT one, David Stern. www.bloomberg.com

And finally…

I’m just going to come out and say it, so I get the pain over with as quickly as possible: A chick college basketball player may or may not have a nude photo of herself circulating the internet.

There, I said it.

Skylar Diggins is a “popular” guard for the Notre Dame women’s basketball team and she’s adamantly denying that the nude photos that have surfaced online last week are of her!

For some reason, people are tweeting these pictures like crazy and it’s been spreading like wildfire all over Twitter and the internet.

Sources tell me that the people looking into this matter will have to actually compare scrotum pictures to make sure that they are in fact, NOT of her… www.usatoday.com

 And THAT’S my “Jock Itch!”