Video Catches Mother Encouraging Son To Fight Bully

By Jason Allen, CBS 11 News

DALLAS (CBSDFW.COM) –  A video showing a Baltimore mother encouraging her son to fight another boy has drawn strong reactions locally from social workers and parents of bullied children.

Baltimore resident Kelly White, 36, has been charged with five total charges as a result of the video, including second the degree child abuse, second degree assault, reckless endangerment, contributing to the condition of a child and affray. The cell phone video shows her pitting her son against another boy who was allegedly bullying him.

For several minutes, White stands to the side of the fight and shouts at her son to “bang him in the face.” When the boy cried out for help, she turned him down and told him to get up and fight.

When the fight finally ended, White justified her actions to an onlooker.

“He still stood up to him,” she said. “Now chase him everyday and I bet you give him a week and he’ll (mess) you up.”

In North Texas, parents of bullied children are split on the appropriateness of the mother’s actions.

Jason and Debbie Lance, who lost a son to suicide last year after instances of bullying, said responding to a bully can be a touchy situation, but they still couldn’t condone White’s behavior.

“You tell a kid to fight back and the next thing you know he’s sneaking your gun into school and shooting somebody because it’s, oh, fight back,” Jason Lance said Wednesday.

Some parents of students bullied at area schools said they’ve told their children to fight back and the bullying has stopped. But the Lances said there’s no way to know how each child will react.

“Some of them decide to kill themselves,” Debbie Lance said. “Others decide to fight back. Some of ‘em decide to go and do a Columbine shooting. We’ve got to change the reaction to how they respond to the bullying.”

Videos of parents telling kids to fight are beginning to turn up across the country. Cases were filed last month in California and Florida. Social workers say cameras are just revealing what’s happened under the radar for years.

The problem is, the fight used to be the end of the argument and it isn’t that way anymore, experts said.

“We’re in a different world,” said social worker Missy Wall. “We’re in a different media world. We’re in a different online world.”

Wall, who works with Teen Contact in Dallas and organizes bullying presentations at area schools, said fights end up continuing past the classroom and spilling onto video websites and social media networks.

Weapons make backyard brawls life-threatening and criminal charges are often brought up against parents and kids who are involved. If the Maryland fight happened in Texas, White could have earned anywhere from two to 20 years in prison.

“You’re just sick of seeing your child being bullied, then find a way to help them,” Wall said. “Educate them on being assertive.”

People fight, Wall said, when they don’t stop to talk. And once the punches are thrown, the consequences are often just beginning.

The Texas Senate and House are both trying to pass bills requiring school districts to have policies dealing with bullying, but neither bill has passed with only weeks left in the session.

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  • Beverly

    WOW! First as a parent we can’t spank our kids, the schools can’t either. Teachers can’t stop a fight without risk of having charges pressed against and by doing nothing they get suspended. Parents are fustrated because their hands are tied and they can be arrested if their “undicipline” child breaks the law and now here in Texas they’re trying to make it legal to take your gun to work! Next step…JAIL!

    • Axl

      As a child abuse survivor all I can say is you better hope your kid doesn’t grow up and smack you back someday. NO child should ever be disciplined with any physical reaction to a situation. I think it’s disgusting that anyone would ever lay their hands on a child.

      • Jessica

        well Axl I am sorry you had a rough childhood, however there is a wrong way and right way to disipline a child….I can tell you that when I was in school we still had where a child would be disiplined by a paddle…now adays its by ISS, or grounding or kicked out….but none of those solve the problem…spanking a child with a Rod of correction is not abusing or hitting…it is discipline….you DONT EVER use your Hand, you use a Rod….times have changed and if a child is spanked its call child abuse, but i can tell you in the 70’s and 80’s we didnt have the problems we have in school now, because the Rod of Correction was used…so instead of stating that NO ONE should discipline a child by physical reaction? is a bit to broad….We should never HIT in anger, we should never use our Hands, we should discipline in love, which in some cased means using a Rod…Not a belt, or coat hanger or shoe….a Paddle is best used….I still have the one my parents used on me…my son is 11, and yes there were times he got it, but the punishment fit the crime…i never paddled unless it warranted….Ive washed my sons mouth out with soap for using bad words, Ive spanked him when he disobeyed and Ive taken away things when he made poor choices…we all as parents need to find that right way to discipline…I dont believe every child can have the same punshiment….Kids need correction, not being passive…and we as a society are to Passive, which is why our kids are they way they are…..we could learn a few things from our past…Now in your case, I am very sorry that your parents were not kind to you, however you can break that cycle….

    • TT

      I totally agree! I tell my son to Defend themselves, don’t start the fight. Protect yourselves! If there is a problem at school tell your parents.The schools need to take better care of our kids. I see teachers who just don’t care!


  • stephanie

    My son was a victim of a parent who waited for my son to leave school and then followed him to almost run him over, and then encourage his son to try to jump my son….unlike the story you ran, my son was the victim of the bully, we filed a police report as we had over a dozen witness however the Tarrant County DA didnt see it worth their time…also different about my son is that the father hit my son, he had brusies all over him….yet the police and DA did nothing….as a single mom I didnt have resources to file charges…..My son still struggles with walking home….only a block from his School…

    • Melanie Hudgens

      So sorry to hear about your son. I hope he stays strong and everything works out for him. That father should have been arrested!

    • Axl

      Does he have any friends that walk home in the same direction? I found as a kid walking in groups made things usually safer.

      • Richard Boats Farmer

        Something I learned was not only walking in groups but also learning to walk home in several different ways if possible.

  • Melanie Hudgens

    This absolutely infuriates me! This lady should have her child taken from her. How can a mother sit and listen to her child asking her for help and tell him no? This is just beyond belief. This white trash mother should be thrown in jail. She is no better than the bullying child. I can’t even begin to imagine how bad she has scarred her own child. Hopefully there is someone else in this child’s life that can help him deal with the hurt and embarrassment his own mother has caused him. What do you really think it is going to be like for this child in school now? I just feel horrible for this little boy and all kids like him. We are suppose to protect our children or at least that is what I thought.

    • Mom to Another bullied child

      As opposed to maybe she needed him to stick up for himself because mommy isn’t always going to be there to defend him.

  • Richard Boats Farmer

    My son was being bullied on a school bus, and once it happened I immediately placed him in Martial Arts. Because I can not discipline my child, thanks to this lovely state of Texas, his Martial Arts Instructor does it. My son’s behavior has improved as well as no one messes with him anymore. I recommend that if you can place your child in Martial Arts it will help in the end.

  • Peggy Conner

    I see this and I hear this going on all the time. Schools are doing things to try and prevent the bullying, but in fact the teachers are encouraging bullying when they leave their classroom and put a student in charge of taking names. This action should be stopped. Why are teachers leaving their classroom and leaving a student in charge? There are phones in their classrooms, why are they not calling an other staff member to come in watch their classroom til they get back. Stop standing students out that are good and ones that are not good. To much is stressed on the students and parents being the reason for bullying, when in fact we are taking our children to school to have teachers do this to them, but no one ever blames the teachers.

    • Axl

      That is the STUPIDEST thing I’ve ever heard.

      • Peggy Callen Conner


  • Pole Jones

    Sure leave it to someone else to teach your kid to stand up for him/herself. How about spending more time with your kid and teaching them how to defend his or her self a bit better. Trust me it helps, not only does it build a better relationship with your kid, but at the same time they will listen to you more because they will see you as someone who cares enough to teach them instead of pawning them off to an instructor. If you don’t know how to teach them, then perhaps you should take a class along WITH you kid. The problem with this particular lady is that she is just plain stupid and doesn’t know how to help her child cope with bullies. It is apparent that she does care about her son very much, but her lack of brain function called for an idiotic solution. Take her child away…? That’s quite extreme, she should be taught a lesson, but not shot through the heart. You might as well take away her life in that case.

  • Pole Jones

    The other part of it is this and is truly the problem at hand…People need to wake up and teach their kids to respect one another, its not that hard, I don’t care how busy you are or how poor you are or if you don’t have a spouse to help. TAKE THE TIME!!! GIVE A CENT about the well being of your child and how they represent themselves and YOU. It’s nobodies fault but the parents, it’s not the teachers, it’s not the schools, it’s not the kids nor is it the police or anyone else. It IS the parents RESPONSIBILITY to teach their child to behave like humans beings and not like apes.

  • d. smith

    bleeding heart cry babies, your all raising a bunch of wimps. stay out of it and the kids will solve it them selves…most bullies get theirs in the end. gee what a bunch of wooshies

    • Richard Boats Farmer

      Wow we now know who teaches his child to be a bully.

    • Axl

      And another.

      • Peggy Callen Conner


  • Mom of Another Bulliled Boy

    Really? Are you people stupid? The bullied child doesn’t have anyone to walk with. My son was bullied in elementary and one kid who is now his friend, said I can’t be friends with you at school, it’s not cool, so you can only talk to me when we are not around the other kids from school. Telling the lady to have her son walk home with friends and walk a different way… Really, it was the other parent that picked up on the bullying. Did you even read her comment?
    As for the mom encouraging her son to hit back… sometimes it’s the only way to convince the bully it’s character not lack of strength that makes a kid not shove back.

    • Axl

      Another STUPID comment.

      • Peggy Callen Conner

        explain why

  • jeff

    Maybe the Texas Legislature will make it lega for public school kids to pack heat. That will teach those bullys a lesson. I plan on arming my toddler as soon as possible. It is crazy to think that you have to reach the maturity level of a college freshman to carry a concealed weapon around your peers.

    • Axl

      Oh sure, guns solve EVERY problem.

  • cialis vente

    Dans cela quelque chose est. Merci pour l’explication, je trouve aussi que plus facilement mieux …

    • Richard Boats Farmer

      Is there something we need to explain to you that you do not understand?

    • Richard Boats Farmer

      Y at-il quelque chose dont nous avons besoin de vous expliquer que vous ne comprenez pas?

  • Joe

    Kids being bullied is everywhere you turn now a days. I have 2 kids and if they are being bullied, I will tell them to stand up for themselves, because it is the right thing to do. As far as the bully, I think their parents should be held accountable for, just like if your child skips school, then you find yourself in court for your childs actions. This fight can be looked apon from both views, except the mother should not have been there encouraging it! Our kids need to be taught give respect gets respect, in the same promise needs to be taught to stand up for themselves. Their is so much hate towards one another that it has gotten out of hand! My son is 5 years old and I teach him boxing 4 days a week, not only is he learning to stand up for himself, he also learns self disaccipline. I wished I was as smart as my son at his age! A kid running from a bully is not right, that kid will regret that decision one day in his life and then it is to late. I don’t like fighting, but there will be that time in ones life to fight back. Put yourself in the kids shoes, what would you do?? Fight back or keep running, no one is going to help them for each parent is defending their child, instead of the proper disaccpline or attention that your kid begs for while they are growing up. We as a parent are suppose to raise our kids the best way we can and teach them to grow respectful!

  • darrell

    when i was 8 years old in the mid 60’s, i was bullied allmost every day after school by a kid who was a full head taller, 3 years older, and at least 30 pounds heavier. i would tell my parents, mom would call the school, nothing, dad had to work but he helped me learn to fight. but this kid just had me outsized and as hard as i tried, the fights didnt last long. i had tried running for months everyday before that, he would allways catch me. then one day, after spending weeks going door to door selling greeting cards for prizes through school, i got what i had sold enough for. a new baseball bat. i loved baseball. then i realized that the bully was probably just going to take it away from me and i felt heartbroken. i had worked so hard. so i decided it was time to end the bullying. as school let out i went to a corner of the school we both had to round on the way home, sat my things down out of site, including that bat and waited where he could see me. soon as he saw me he started running my way, i ducked around that corner and grabbed my bat. when he rounded that corner i was ready and i caught him with one very solid lick right on the nose. he crumpled of course. i grabbed my things and took off, thinking he will get up, catch me and kill me for sure. i made it home and my mother met me at the door. all she said was “your father is on his way home from work” and took my bat. i knew i was in trouble. making it short, i refused to appologize to the kid, i got expelled for a week. after it was all said and done, my father told me, next time, make sure there are no witnesses. i never got bullied again.

    you have to deal with the bullies to stop it.

  • Fred

    What parent in their right mind would stand by and WATCH children fight? The mother in the video should be in jail, along with the parents of the bully, and the kids need to placed in a foster home where they can be taught to be responsible human beings.

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