Carve me some turkey. Pass the rolls. A little dab of cranberry sauce. Keep fresh batteries handy for the remote control. And, above all else, fetch my elastic waistband britches.
But before we dig in to another annual holiday feast and doze off toward another epic nap, let’s not forget to give Thanksgiving props to …
Joe Nathan, for making us – at least for a moment – forget about Joe Paterno.
Tony Romo, for being 4-0 on Thanksgiving with 12 touchdowns and only two interceptions. With Romo at quarterback the Dallas Cowboys have outscored their Turkey Day opponents by a gaudy 130-29. Those stats get fatter Thursday against the Dolphins.
Last weekend, for giving us the overtime upset of Oklahoma State, Baylor’s dramatic win over Oklahoma, one of the greatest fights in UFC history, the Cowboys sneaking past the Redskins in overtime and a Hollywood climax to the NASCAR season.
Jerry Jones, for kicking off another season of Salvation Army red kettle charity. Yeah, the ring-ding-ring-ringing bells can get obnoxious. But they also serve as a reminder that some are less fortunate. It helps a lot to give a little. Do it.
TiVo, for saving my recordings of NBA Finals Games 5 and 6, which I’ve watched several times in the past two weeks.
Michael Young, for always being there.
Aggies and Longhorns, for 118 years of Texas’ best rivalry. Sad that Thursday night we’ll watch Texas-Texas A&M for the last time, until 2018 at the earliest.
Jon Daniels for being proactive in an attempt to make the Rangers one strike better in 2012 than they were in 2011.
Leon Lett, for not disappearing in shame after the 1993 Thanksgiving game in which he cost the Cowboys by trying to inexplicably recover a blocked field goal in the snow against the Miami Dolphins. Lett got his college degree and these days hangs around Valley Ranch often helping Dallas’ defensive linemen.
Tom Hicks, for finally letting go of the Dallas Stars and thus ending the worst era of professional sports ownership in the history of the Metroplex. Bastard.
Ron Washington, for his boundless optimism, contagious enthusiasm and refreshing, profanity-laced honesty.
Cowboys Stadium, for being so damn wondrous. And JumboJerry, for making the dream of watching football on a 60-yard long TV a reality.
Jordan Spieth, for being the future of golf, developing his game right under our noses at Jesuit.
Dirk Nowitzki, for his unblockable, reliable, trophy-winning Flamingo Fadeaway.
Byron Nelson, Tom Landry and Lamar Hunt, for all the good they did in life and for all they’re still doing afterward.
The Dallas White Rock Marathon, for being the largest participant event in our city each year.
Caddyshack, for still being the funniest sports movie ever made.
Eddie Gossage, for being the tireless promoter and the face of NASCAR in our state as the grand poobah at Texas Motor Speedway.
Dressing, for tasting so dang good. Or is it stuffing? By either name, mmm.
Brad Sham, Chuck Cooperstein, Eric Nadel and Ralph Strangis, for giving us the best radio play-by-play quartet in America. Find a better group. Sorry, can’t be done.
Britney Griner, for almost making me watch regular season women’s college basketball. Almost, I said.
Texas-OU Weekend, for giving us ambience the NFL can never match.
The North Texas Super Bowl Committee, for having the spirit to begin planning to bid on hosting Super Bowl L at Cowboys Stadium in 2016.
The hole in the roof, so God can still watch his favorite team.
DeMarco Murray, for being the best Cowboys’ running back since Emmitt Smith. As a rookie, Murray is better than Smith or Tony Dorsett. Look it up.
The Silver Boot and the Iron Skillet, for reminding us that braggin’ rights still matter.
DirecTV’s NFL Sunday Ticket Red Zone channel, for giving my remote control a rest on Sunday afternoons.
The Ring of Honor, for all the memories.
Brendan Morrow, for being the one Dallas Stars player we recognize. And sorta remember.
Jason Garrett, for keeping himself and his players focused with blinders so the rest of us can freely embrace our irrational mood swings. Come to think of it, Mavericks’ coach Rick Carlisle projects the same persona. Right?
Dollar Dog Night, for those summer nights when Thanksgiving is only a rumor but you’re still hongree.
Crazy Ray, for accessorizing most of my childhood memories at Texas Stadium with a big smile.
Dez Bryant, for keeping his nose clean off the field. So far.
Don Carter, for his 10-gallon hat, 100-watt smile and founding of the Mavericks.
High School Football, for allowing us the joy of seeing your breath in the stands of a small town on a Friday night in December.
Erin Andrews, for displaying some brains to compliment her beauty.
The Aggie War Hymn vs. Texas Fight, for reminding us that bands and cheering are okay at football games.
Neftali Feliz, for having the talent to be an elite closer and the potential to be an All-Star starter.
Mark Cuban, for his passion. And his wallet.
DeMarcus Ware and Jason Witten, for being great off the field, too.
Lance Armstrong, for triumphing on a bike and telling the truth in the face of skeptics. Right, Lance?
Nolan Ryan, for staying true to Texas.
Mavericks fans, for waiting patiently for 31 years. And to Rangers fans willing to stay stubborn another year after their 40-season was thiiiis close to ending.
Dan Bailey, for transforming field goals from a white-knuckle thrill ride into an automatic three points.
Freedom, allowing us to love America’s Team and hate the Redskins.
And to all those turkeys, for their ultimate sacrifice in making today another fulfilling, filling holiday.