10. Spent last week/weekend serving as emcee at a Frisco-based communications company’s national sales convention that spilled from Phoenix to Las Vegas and… always said one of the few places I’d move is Scottsdale, Arizona. All four major sports. Fantastic weather. And no need to own a lawnmower. If I had to stay at one hotel I’d pick the JW Camelback Resort. Paradise.
9. Yet another reason to hate the airlines — in case you’ve forgotten my last trip. Upon leaving for Phoenix our flight from DFW was delayed an hour. Passengers already on board had to de-plane. Reason? “Fog in Phoenix.” I laughed, knowing there ain’t no fog in the desert. Upon arriving in Phoenix we were told by American Airlines agents the real reason was “runway maintenance in Dallas.” I believe neither. Then, on the way back, we showed up at the gate at 2:28 for a 2:45 departure. We were vehemently scolded by agents who said, “Well, you almost missed your flight. You realize you’re lucky?!” Our plane shoved back from the gate at exactly 2:52.
8. Vegas will bleed you with all the tipping here and there, but there is hope for the cold, cruel city. A dork named Richie Whitt left his cell phone in his chair at a hotel sports book, only to frantically return 27 minutes later and find a group of four folks holding it safe. Whew.
7. Going to Vegas soon? Be warned, it’s overnight transformed into a cash city. Almost every cab driver warned us up front that he didn’t take credit cards. Same with the night clubs. And myself and a couple of other Bank of America customers couldn’t access the ATMs at two different casinos. I’m blaming it all on Y12K.
6. Show reviews: Adultcon was an interesting mix of porn stars; Monte Carlo’s Jabbawockeez had too much down time; Cirque du Soleil’s Zumanity at New York New York was fantastically provocative.
5. MGM odds for local teams: Cowboys to win Super Bowl 47 (20-1); Rangers to win 2012 World Series (3.5-1); Mavs to win 2012 NBA Finals (16-1, behind the Bulls, Heat, Thunder and Lakers).
4. After hearing Flo Rida’s “Good Feeling” for the 97th time in Vegas, a debate broke out on The Strip: Etta James, dead or alive? Answer: Alive. But, apparently, barely.
3. Memorable photos from trip included Buzz Lightyear and Woody from “Toy Story,” Ron Jeremy, some dude dressed like a giant reefer and Steve from Dallas, who somehow recognized me and Sybil in the sports book in Monte Carlo.
2. You know it’s going to be a good trip when you’re playing Beer Pong at O’Shea’s and find a $100 chip on the floor. You know it’s going to be a bad trip when you can’t recognize most of the celebrity impersonators at Imperial Palace. Whitney Houston looked as much like Bobby Brown as Whitney Houston and, seriously, Zac Brown is good/big enough to have an impersonator? You knew it was going to be a profitable trip when you bump into Failure Jesus at a bar inside Planet Hollywood. Bottom line: Patriots minus-13.5 was very rewarding.
1. How do you know you’re in Vegas? When you leave a strip club at sunrise — beer in hand — and head for breakfast… at In-N-Out burger.