10. Made it safe to Indianapolis with the 105.3 The Fan traveling crew. But not without some sweaty, squirmish moments, courtesy of the guy next to me in 31F. Middle-eastern dude. Bald. Scraggly beard. Giant, untucked silk shirt. Once in the air he — swear — unfurls this little blanket over his tray table. Has Farsi letters and symbols all over it. Then he closes his eyes and begins mumbling under his breath. And then, yep, bowing. Over and over again. Concerned, headed toward bothered and ultimately destined for freaked out, I asked him if he was okay. “Of course,” he replied without a missing a beat. But then, once in the air, he ordered a Dr Pepper and thumbed through Sky Mall magazine. Somehow I found that soothing. Off the plane he collected his luggage and headed out into the Indiana night. Amen?
9. My roommate for this trip — thanks to Greggo drafting Jasmine — is Sexy Sidekick Sybil. On those moving walkways in the airport, she stands. Just stands there. La-la-la-la-la. To be continued…
8. Deion Sanders makes me sick. Read the divorce papers filed by his soon-to-be-ex-wife, Pilar, about the womanizing, the lying and the verbal and physical abuse. The dude is all style-over-substance flashy with bling jewelry, but is a notoriously cheap tipper. He was on our flight yesterday, wearing sunglasses throughout the airport and once he got aboard. His vibe goes something like this: Look at me! How dare you ignore me?! Don’t you dare stare! You better recognize me, because I’m too important to not be recognized!! But don’t bother me. Don’t tell me you recognize me. Can’t you see that?! Stop staring! Look at me!!!
7. Two words sure not to get your heart racing: Central. Indiana. Super Bowl 46 is being hosted by a small-market team in a cold-weather city. Could be a disaster. But, then again, the bar ain’t real high after what happened last year. Memories, anyone?
6. At dinner Mark Elfenbein ordered a strawberry margarita, took three sips and then shared a brownie sundae with roommate RJ Choppy. Words cannot describe.
5. First night’s bed check included Elf delivering fake flowers to Jasmine, who answered the door in only a smile and a… towel. And Choppy has this, um, talent. He can put his feet on either wall of a hotel hall and sorta climb, like a Jersey Shore Spiderman. Suspended in the hall, Sybil crawled through him like a human croquet wicket. Or something. Gawd this is gonna be a long, fun week.
4. If you attempt to pay with a debit card, how is it that car rental companies want to run a credit check? We all know that bad credit can be prompted by multiple credit checks. So, therefore, if you travel a lot you wind up with bad credit? What a scam.
3. So once we got to our hotel in Indy, where to dine? Answer: In the same parking lot, at, I ain’t kidding, Texas Roadhouse. Just across the street is the generically-named “Pub.”
2. Girl at the “Pub” claimed — in loud, obnoxious words — that she was going to be the United States’ first female president in 2016. Her platform: Port-a-pots at Taco Bell because “when you go there you know you have to pee!” I couldn’t make that up.
1. Greggo’s uplifting/motivational email to the troops, sent seconds before our American Airlines plane accelerated down the runway: Hey gang. … We are all on board …. look around .. .they are the people we are gonna die with … Love greggo.