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What’s Longer Than A Larry Brown Coaching Gig?

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Larry Brown, head coach of the Charlotte Bobcats shouts out orders to his team as they take on the New Jersey Nets. (credit: Getty Images)

It’s being reported that Hall of Famer Larry Brown is the pick to be the next head basketball coach at SMU, even though Larry is saying as of last night, “At this point, I have not been offered the job so I cannot have accepted it.”

Apparently, the only hold up in making all of this officially official is who Brown will hire as his assistants. He wants to put Illinois State coach Tim Jankovich in as his guy with a “coach-in-waiting” clause in his contract — meaning he’d be the man when the 71-year-old Brown decides that he’s had enough.

Brown hasn’t coached since 2010, when he resigned from the NBA’s Charlotte Bobcats.

But, if you’re keeping score at home, he’s had 13… COUNT EM… THIRTEEN coaching positions over a span of nearly 40 years.

That’s a LOT of suits, ties, and school lapel pins to keep up with.

Mathematically speaking (we’ll just go with that to make my following list sound remotely credible) it’s safe to say that Brown’s tenures aren’t very long lived.

Things That Last Longer Than A Larry Brown Coaching Gig:

  • The amount of time Kim Kardashian spends with each man she hops from and to.
  • Josh Hamilton in a Sherlock’s bathroom stall.
  • A Rick Pitino sexual encounter.
  • Career of an Asian point guard in the NBA.
  • A Dez Bryant Under Armour endorsement, or how quickly he bolts out of a jewelry store when he’s shown the receipt.
  • T.O.’s reality show.
  • The down time between Cromartie babies being knocked out.
  • Jay Cutler in the pocket.
  • MJ’s baseball career.
  • Tweezers anywhere near Anthony Davis’ unibrow.
  • Fried chicken and beer in the Red Sox clubhouse.
  • Twinkies in front of CC Sabathia and/or Joba Chamberlain.
  • Vicodin in Ryan Leaf’s cookie jar.
  • Bottled liquor in Miggy Cabrera’s car.
  • Bill Belichick at a hooded sweatshirt liquidation sale.
  • Rob Gronkowski in a Mensa meeting.
  • The collective time it allegedly takes for Delonte West to allegedly pick your mom up allegedly at a bar and allegedly close the deal at an alleged nearby hotel.
  • Tony Romo’s flip motion on switching his ballcap backward.
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