Whether you’ve reached the end of your rope or merely the end of your week, welcome to Whitt’s End:
*I rip LeBron James as much as anybody for shrinking in the clutch. He quit on his Cavaliers in a playoff elimination game. He disappeared last summer in The Finals against the Mavs. But last night was epic. Facing another premature evacuation in the Boston Garden, James produced a one-man show reminiscent of Michael Jordan’s 63-point classic against the Celtics in ’86. 45 points, 15 rebounds and 5 assists. Only one other man can boast that stat line in a playoff game: Wilt Chamberlain. Kudos, LBJ.
*Remember back when the Rangers’ season was going along swimmingly? They started 15-4. Josh Hamilton was crushing homers. Starters were all producing quality starts. Our only worry was closer Joe Nathan. Seems like years ago, eh? Over the last 6 weeks Texas is only 18-21.
*First, Neftali Feliz and now Derek Holland. You lose 2/5th of your starting rotation in 10 days and things are going to get wobbly in a hurry. Never heard of a pitcher going on the disabled list with shoulder fatigue/diarrhea.
*And if you’re counting on Roy Oswalt to ride in on his white horse and save the day, better be patient. Last night in Round Rock he allowed 5 runs and 6 hits in 4 innings, lowlighted by surrendering a grand slam to someone named Wil Myers.
*I’m worried about DeMarcus Ware’s constant stingers in his neck. Chronic problem where his limbs go momentarily numb after a big or awkward hit. It’s not crazy to say Ware is the Cowboys’ most valuable player, because the gap between him and backup Victor Butler is even greater than the falloff from Tony Romo to Kyle Orton.
*Of all the sporting events I’d love to attend, the French Open in Paris is at the top of my list. Love the athleticism and endurance it takes to win a point on Roland Garros’ red clay, must less a game, a set or 7 matches. Makes Rafael Nadal’s success unfathomable. The Spaniard is 50-1 in Paris heading into today’s semifinal against David Ferrer, the only loss coming to Robin Soderling in the 4th round in 2009. When Nadal beats either Roger Federer or Novak Djokovic Sunday morning and wins his record 7th French Open, he’ll officially be the King of Clay.
*Every year on Jan. 1 I awake – usually with a hangover – with the dread that at some point in the next 365 days I will violently stub my toe. Somewhere. Sometime. Yesterday was the day. On the corner of my office desk. Blood. Shattered toenail. The works.
*Take solace, Mavs fans. You’re not Blazers fans. If you were you’d be forced to live with this: In ’84 Portland drafted Sam Bowie one spot before Michael Jordan. And in ’07 Portland drafted Greg Oden one spot before a guy named Kevin Durant. Ouch.
*Is it just me (it usually is) or was Yu Darvish exaggerating his leg-pause-kick almost like the Angels’ Dan Haren early yesterday. Then, I’ll be dang, he stopped doing it later and went back to a smooth delivery. Don’t look now, but Darvish’s last 4 starts have also been very mediocre.
*Chernobyl Diaries > Snow White and The Huntsman. But I think both are more believable than Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.
*For all their banners and history and tradition, last time the Celtics won a Game 7 on the road was way back in 1974. Mavs have done it as recently as 2006, in that memorable win in San Antonio. Dirk Nowitzki three-point play over Manu Ginobli. Ring a bell?
*Beer companies don’t really think we’re this stupid, do they? First they try to trick us into thinking we can’t tell when beer is cold, so they make a can with mountains that turn blue as an indicator. Now there’s a “punch top” can, allowing you the breakthrough technology of punching a hole in the top yourself. They can’t be serious. Is there really a crisis in this country of our beer not pouring out of the can smooth enough?
*Remember Robert Palmer’s old “Simply Irresistible” video with all the hot, identical girls? Let’s call this progress, shall we? Fedde le Grande is the sh*t.
*Danica Patrick and Maria Sharapova are both hot. Difference? Sharapova is about to win a career Grand Slam at the French Open. Danica has won … anything?
*During Spurs-Thunder my DirecTV went out during a thunderstorm. I Tweeted my chagrin during the 7-minute blackout and was quickly joined in angst by the likes of Troy Aikman, Mike Modano and Dirk Nowitzki. Frustrating, but one night of a temporary rainout is worth all the sports packages I can only get with satellite.
*Spend a minute talking to fullback Lawrence “Ants in My Pants” Vickers and he’ll quickly become one of your favorite Cowboys. Despite his non-impactful play, I also love safety Gerald Sensabaugh. He’s into fishing, NASCAR and last night Tweeted: I am getting a haircut while also being seen by the doctor. What the what?!
*Once upon a time Josh Hamilton hit 4 homers in a game. And 9 homers in a week. Since then, he’s hit only 3 in 23 games and his average has fallen 61 points.
*Women are all abuzz about this book Fifty Shades of Grey. It’s apparently erotic with detailed passages about bondage and submission. In other words women, welcome to porn. It’s 2012, what took you so long? Pssst, wait until you see books with pictures. And they even make videos!
*Taco Bell is all proud of its new marketing campaign: Fourthmeal. As in, the fourth meal of your day. Couple things. If you eat four meals a day and one of them is handed to you through a drive-thru window at 1:07 a.m., you’re fat. Secondly, “Fourthmeal” would be really clever if, that is, we numbered our meals 1-2-3. But we don’t. We give them names. Breakfast. Lunch. Dinner. May I volunteer “Lastl,” as in your last meal until tomorrow. This is where I insert the tiny C with the circle around, then I get rich.
*In case you missed it and want to see how truly dorky RAGE is, our TV commercial is right here.
*Two Valley Ranch insiders told me last week that the Cowboys’ 3rd receiver on opening night in New York will be Andre Holmes. He’s 6-foot-5. For you old-timers, think Al Toon.
*49 days until Cowboys’ training camp opens in Oxnard, California. And only 89 until Cowboys-Giants.
*The cool kids these days say to each other: “Yolo.” As in, “You Only Live Once.” But what if you’re Hindu? You know, reincarnation and all?
*No thanks to Chad Johnson for the Cowboys. Why? Because he’s 33 and he’s done. Last year with the Patriots he caught 15 passes in 15 games. Even Kevin Ogletree can do that. Without the baggage.
*Loved the kid who serenaded the Heat off the court in Game 5 with “Good job; Good effort.” But last night in Boston someone dumped a beer on LeBron as he left the court. You stay classy, Boston.
*Buddy told me that me last week some wiseacre named Danny on 1310 AM The Ticket predicted that 105.3 The Fan would be off the air within 8 months. I’ll take that bet. He’s probably the same guy who predicted the Fan would never see its 1st birthday. Or its 2nd. Or 3rd. We turn 4 in December. We’ll have a party. He won’t be invited.
*This weekend? Today we’re at Fuzzy’s Tacos inside Texas Motor Speedway in Fort Worth. Saturday, toe willing, let’s play some tennis before taking in Celtics-Heat Game 7. Sunday feels like a good day to get reacquainted with my pool. Monday I’ll see you at House of Blues for Temper Trap. Don’t be a stranger.
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