Whitt’s End: 1.18.13
Whether you’ve reached the end of your rope or merely the end of your week, welcome to Whitt’s End:
*Born and raised in this here close-minded, fear-based, suffocating Bible Belt, the Cowboys would have themselves a nightmare if they ever drafted an openly gay player. I know, I know. All sin is equal in the eyes of the Lord and all that, but that doesn’t play around these parts. In the Bible, it’s also a sin to drink in excess, to commit adultery and to eat shellfish. But having a gay brother, I know the selective intolerance that exists in Dallas-Fort Worth. We see a rapper who goes to prison as someone with “street cred”, but a homosexual as an “abomination.” I wish it wasn’t true, but the Metroplex is nowhere near ready for a gay sports star.
*It was a good run, but Dirk Nowitzki at NBA All-Star Weekend is about to end. After missing 27 games and being slow to regain his elite form, Dirk won’t make the team this year. First time in 12 years.
*I’ve got the “football man” you all are always screaming for Jerry Jones to hire. Resume: Was in the NFL for 40 years; Led a team to 5 AFC Championships and 3 Super Bowl wins; Established one of the most successful brands in all of sports; Already a member of the Pro Football Hall of Fame; Founder of an aggressive, trend-setting offensive philosophy. Interested? Congrats, you just hired Al Davis. I don’t get the “Jerry Jones is becoming Al Davis” as a criticism. Trust me, Jerry takes it as a compliment.
*Sooner or later, Cowboys Stadium will be re-named AT&T Stadium.
*After immersing myself in the gun debate the last month, here’s my conclusion: The more the guns, the less the I.Q. No? Then why aren’t you more concerned with halting the reality of 12,000 gun deaths a year in the present, rather than being pro-active against some theoretical rise of a Hitler 2.0 in the future? Answer: You cherish your constitutional freedom more than other’s lives and that, in my book, makes you ignorant. And, yes, dangerous.
*For those screaming “Who cares?!” re: the Manti Te’o hoax. Answer: Everyone. Te’o trended on Twitter for 29 consecutive hours. Average “trend” is 12 minutes.
*I understand how people get duped. I, after all, thought the Blair Witch Project was authentic and I shook my groove thang to Milli Vanilli. But this doesn’t add up: You cry at the thought of your college girlfriend, yet in 3 years you never met her, Skyped her, touched her or kissed her, much less boinked her. Even though she had a near-fatal car wreck and leukemia? Not buying it. On some level Te’o is complicit. Notre Shame.
*Jan. 14, 1996: The last time the Cowboys played in an NFC Championship Game. Yep, it’s been 17 years already.
*Oprah: Did you ever take banned substances to enhance your cycling performance? Lance Armstrong: Yes. — All I needed to hear. For more of my disgust about Liestrong, it’s right here.
*With Lance off the podium, who are our real remaining heroes? Emmitt Smith. Dirk Nowitzki. But, you know what, we shoulda broke the mold after Roger Staubach. Still the guy your son should look up to.
*Best talk-show host on TV: Jon Stewart. And it’s not even close.
*We’d really be freaking out if A.J. McCarron’s girlfriend wasn’t real. Right, Brent?
*The Mavs have won four in a row and that’s intriguing. Until you watch at crunch-time and 38-year-old, 10-day-contract laborer Mike James is running the show. Sorry, but there’s no future in Mike James.
*Am I the only one bothered that Cowboys’ Ring of Honor member Charles Haley on Sunday will be the 49ers’ honorary coin-flip captain? Again, Haley was a great player and an elite champion, but his inclusion tarnishes an otherwise exclusive Ring of Honor reserved for players who achieved and who cherish the Cowboys first and foremost.
*The Dallas Stars resume playing hockey Saturday night. All I know is that Jaromir Jagr is on their roster, Mike Modano is on their media credential and Marty Turco is in their broadcast booth. We’ll get a tad more details today at 6:00 p.m. when Modano joins RAGE on 105.3 The Fan.
*I generally eat healthy (more fruit than bread) and work out regularly (weights during the week, tennis on the weekends). But every couple of years I also sharpen my body – and mind – by going on The Master Cleanse green coffee extract diet. I’m on Day 5 without a bite of solid food. Just 64 daily ounces of “lemonade”, which is fresh-squeezed lemons, Grade A maple syrup and Cayenne pepper. Trainers and nutritionists hate it because it’s not a money-maker in that you don’t buy powders or supplements or DVDs. I’ve dropped 18 pounds in 5 days, my aches and pains have vanished and my energy is revved up. Just as importantly, I love the strength gained from depriving myself of psychological food cravings. There’s a certain amount of peace that flows from control.
*NFL picks: After 4-0 on Wild Card Weekend, I went 1-3 last week. Give me the 49ers and Patriots. Lock on New England, as I’ve summoned Failure Jesus on Ray Lewis. Ravens have zero chance. Can’t believe a road team is favored by 5 in an NFC Championship Game, but Vega$ ain’t buying the Falcons. Neither am I.
*This weekend? Saturday I’ll be at Vandergriff Honda in Arlington 11-1 hanging out with cool cars and hot Fantasy Girl chicks. Sunday it’s a day of watching the NFL Conference Championship Games. Don’t be a stranger.