It’s finally over…for the United States Men’s soccer team that is.
With the US being eliminated from World Cup play 99% of the people who were remotely interested in soccer, ridiculously chanting “I believe that we will win”, wearing a polyester soccer jerseys or just taking off from work to watch a soccer game (at a bar no less)…they can all get back to their regular lives.
Here are the 5 things you can get back to doing now that the US is out of the World Cup.
1. Groom Your Dog, Cat (or other favorite pet)
You’ve neglected them for the last several weeks since you jumped on the World Cup bandwagon. But before you get them all trimmed up and looking spiffy (except for pet fish, lizards, snakes, etc.) you better make sure they are still alive because we bet you even forgot to feed them.
2. Go Hunting (i.e kill something wild)
In your absence from the natural world the wild animal population and surely exploded. And all of that TV watching and jumping around and screaming every time a guy bounced a ball off his head or kicked a ball 20 feet without falling down in pain has given you quite an appetite. Now is the time to go out and ‘hunt and gather’ the beasts of the earth for your dinner plate…but make sure it’s not human!
3. Take Up Bizarre Hobbies
In college you always heard of the “easy A” classes like underwater basket weaving – why not give it a try? Or start a fat camp for dogs? Pick up a copy of your local weekly alternative paper and browse the classifieds or personals a find a group that enjoys baby jumping – or dressing up like My Little Pony characters (aka Brony). You don’t have to worry about Uganda playing Argentina anymore – so why not?
4. Figure Out How To Make Easy Money
Since you’ve taken off so much time from work to go watch soccer – you may be out of a job. It’s time to get back to work! But since the job market still sucks why not figure out some ways to make some fast, easy money! Raid your parents basement for some old items and try to pass them off at auctions or flea-markets as ‘antiques’. Or, you can finally cash in those old savings bonds your Nanna gave you when you were 5-years old (but beware of the taxes!) Taking all the money you have left in your bank account and buying scratch-off lotto tickets is not a bad idea either – it’s not a great idea, but neither was taking time away from work to watch the World Cup!
5. Get Back In A Relationship (start dating)
The only problem being complete obsessed with the World Cup – you neglected your significant other and more than likely they dumped you as soon as the very first goal was scored.
Now it’s time to get back on the horse (not a bestiality reference) and go out and find a new mate. It’s time to hit up all those people on Facebook that you haven’t seen since highschool and have been secretly messaging when your ex wasn’t looking. Strike while the iron is hot! Renew your subscription to Match.com or OkCupid…or if you are looking to save some cash hit up the personals on Craigslist – what could go wrong?
But before you kick off another long-term relationship – be sure to let the new love of your life know that in just four short years they are going to be kicked to the curb so you can jump back on that World Cup bandwagon again!
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