TALE OF THE TAPE

Cleveland Browns In The Playoffs Vs. Chances Of Seeing A UFO

Cleveland Browns Playoff
UFO Sighting
175807286-update1.jpg
158603580-updated.jpg
Last Time It Happened
2002. Wait, really? Huh. How about that.
Winner May 11th, 2011 in Pretoria, South Africa. Interestingly, the most recent time before was also in Pretoria, on July 21, 2010.
Yeah, But Did It REALLY Happen?
Winner Apparently, it’s happened 28 times.
They say they have photographs of orange lights, but, come on. We’re skeptical until proven otherwise.
Will It Happen Again?
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOPE
Winner Well, this assumes it’s happened before. But you’ve gotta believe that in a spiraling, infinite universe full of infinite possibilities, somewhere out there, in one of the myriad multiverses, there is intelligent life that will one day visit us and say – “Hello.”
What's More Enjoyable?
Fans will likely be more heartbroken over the inevitable Wild Card loss than excited for their sneaking into the playoffs. We suspect there is no joy here, even in victory.
Winner If it’s anything like the movies, you’ll be poked, prodded, cut open, and experimented on. But at least those wounds heal. The spiritual wounds of being a Browns fan…probably don’t.
Reaction To It Happening?
Winner GUUUUUUUU OUR 29 YEAR OLD QUARTERB- I can’t believe it, I NAHNAHNAH oh god, we’re gonna HNNNNNG! *inaudible grumbling*
Winner HNNNNG! I gotta – there’s a light! Someone! You don’t under- oh God, they’re gonna: HEY CALL THE PAPER! I hmmm HNNNNG! *inaudible grumbling*

The Winner Is

158603580-updated.jpg
Winner UFO Sighting
4 out of 5

You heard it here first. With a score of 4 to 2, a UFO sighting takes it over the Cleveland Browns. But hey, don’t worry, Cleveland folks. You can still rest easy knowing the rest of your pro teams are pretty great, right?
-Brian Cullen, CBS Local Sports contributor

MORE TALES OF THE TAPE

  1. GREEN BAY, WI - JANUARY 8:  Aaron Rodgers #12 of the Green Bay Packers drops back to pass in the second quarter during the NFC Wild Card game against the New York Giants at Lambeau Field on January 8, 2017 in Green Bay, Wisconsin. (Photo by Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images) ARLINGTON, TX - DECEMBER 26: Dak Prescott #4 of the Dallas Cowboys throws against the Detroit Lions during the first half at AT&T Stadium on December 26, 2016 in Arlington, Texas. (Photo by Tom Pennington/Getty Images)
    Divisional Round Tale: Green Bay Packers at Dallas Cowboys

    The Packers look to avenge a loss to the Cowboys in the regular season.

  2. PITTSBURGH, PA - JANUARY 08:  Ben Roethlisberger #7 of the Pittsburgh Steelers hands off to Le\'Veon Bell #26 during the second quarter against the Miami Dolphins in the AFC Wild Card game at Heinz Field on January 8, 2017 in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.  (Photo by Gregory Shamus/Getty Images) KANSAS CITY, MO - DECEMBER 25:  Quarterback Alex Smith #11 of the Kansas City Chiefs in action during the game against the Denver Broncos at Arrowhead Stadium on December 25, 2016 in Kansas City, Missouri.  (Photo by Jason Hanna/Getty Images)
    Divisional Round Tale: Pittsburgh Steelers at Kansas City Chiefs

    The red-hot Steelers head to KC for a rematch with a Chiefs team they throttled 43-14 in the regular season.

  3. HOUSTON, TX - JANUARY 07:  Brock Osweiler #17 of the Houston Texans hands off to Lamar Miller #26 at NRG Stadium on January 7, 2017 in Houston, Texas.  (Photo by Tim Warner/Getty Images) MIAMI GARDENS, FL - JANUARY 01: Tom Brady #12 of the New England Patriots points to the defense during the 1st quarter against the Miami Dolphins at Hard Rock Stadium on January 1, 2017 in Miami Gardens, Florida. (Photo by Eric Espada/Getty Images)
    Divisional Round Tale: Houston Texans at New England Patriots

    The Texans head to Foxboro, the site of a 27-0 loss in the regular season and now have to face Tom Brady this time around.

See All Tales of the Tape

More From CBS Dallas / Fort Worth

Drip Pan: CBS Local App
Drip Pan: Weather App
Drip Pan: Restaurant Week 365

Listen Live