Running With Scissors And Other Dangerous Activities In Which Tony Romo Shouldn’t Partake
On his 15-minute break, I don’t want my executive chef snacking on bath salts.
Instead of lounging at Camp David, I don’t want my President spending his vacation hunting vampires.
I’d prefer if my All-Star center fielder with the balky back didn’t slide across a rain-soaked tarp.
And, above all else, I plea for my quarterback with the Super Bowl potential to not play soccer, or basketball, or Russian Roulette, or anything else dangerous. Other than, of course, football.
Look, I embrace my share of danger. I’ve skydived. Bungee-jumped. Been married, twice. I get it. You gotta live your life. And I also understand athletes can get hurt doing almost anything. Driving. Slipping in the shower. Attempting a new position in the wake of their supermodel girlfriend getting amped up by Chapter 3 of 50 Shades of Grey.
But as a fan, I’m selfish. Honestly, I don’t give a damn if my favorite players have a fulfilling personal life. Or a rewarding off-season. In particular I care only that the Cowboys’ Tony Romo is healthy and headstrong for the opening of training camp July 30.
In his off-season, I want Romo relaxing, golfing and enjoying his hot wife and new son. But if he ain’t practicing football I want him being careful, not – as he routinely does – playing risky sports like soccer and basketball. Lest he wind up like Terrell Suggs. Or Mariano Rivera.
See, the Ravens’ linebacker and reigning NFL Defensive Player of the Year got bored with football. Went to Arizona and played some basketball. And tore his Achilles. He’s out for the year. Shrug if you want, but in December when the Ravens give up a crucial 3-yard-run on 4th-and-inches I’m betting Suggs and his fans would like a May do-over. And Rivera, baseball’s all-time best closer, ended his season on the field not pitching or stretching or running, but for some reason trying to catch a fly ball in batting practice. Elite players ruining their team’s season partaking in a dangerous activity that wasn’t helping them perfect their craft.
Silly. Senseless. Now imagine a Cowboys’ season without Romo. 2010’s 6-10 ring a bell?
Players gotta drive. Players gotta eat. Players gotta travel. Players gotta cross-train to keep in shape. If injuries happen doing normal activities, that’s life. But if Romo gets hurt during one of his nights playing pick-up basketball or soccer, that’s just stupid.
Life’s too short not to live. And football careers are too short to do anything to accelerate the closing of the window.
Allowed Romo Off-Season Activities
Riding a Six Flags rollercoaster – Permitted he has hands
Eating – Preferably non-fat, low-sugar, zero-calorie, minimal Aspartame, Gluten-free.
Cooking – Except fried
Hot Air Ballooning – From the ground, with binoculars
Paper-Rock-Scissors – But not while running
Ping Pong – Singles only
Cycling – Indoor only
Swimming – Solo in a lap pool, never in lake without life jacket
Banned Romo Off-Season Activities
Hanging out with Terrell Owens
Hanging from a Crane
Motorcycles – Anywhere. Any time
Rodeo – From Cowboy to Clown
Skiing – Water and Snow
Ice Skating – Especially at The Galleria
Cycling – Especially at White Rock Lake
Running – Banned on the Katy Trail
Track – and Field
Mixed Martial Arts – Training allowed, but not live bouts
Running with the Bulls
Running with Scissors
Climbing Mount Everest
Soccer – Outdoor and, yes, Indoor
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