Whitt’s End – Fanniversary Edition: 12.7.12
Whether you’ve reached the end of your rope or merely the end of your week, welcome to Whitt’s End:
*Where were you on Dec. 8, 2008 at, oh, about 2 in the afternoon? Me? I was a columnist/blogger at the Dallas Observer writing stuff like this: News of 105.3 FM flipping formats from “Live” to “The Fan”. Little did I realize that 2 weeks later I’d be working for The Fan and about 1,460 days in the future I’d be co-hosting the station’s 4th birthday party. But s’rnuff, today we re-locate from our permanent home at 75-Fitzhugh to broadcast back where The Fan was hatched in ’08 at 183-Mockingbird. Cue the twinkling piano and let the memories matriculate.
* … Gavin Dawson’s “Beer vs. Man Challenge” where he was absolutely drunk on RAGE … Shan Shariff having the gonads to play “Hail to the Redskins” on the Jerry Jones Show … Our epic, late-night water-gun fight at the Super Bowl in Indianapolis … A certain host getting way over-served at the Memorial Day ’11 party, uttering “Whazzup FanFanzzzz” before cussing during the worst Pledge of Allegiance in the history of this proud country, and then somehow boarding a plane to Miami and 24 hours later attending Game 1 of the Mavs-Heat NBA Finals …
*Betcha you can’t name The Fan’s original lineup. Ben & Skin actually spoke the first words on The Fan in the afternoon on Dec. 8, but the official Day 1 lineup was Jagger, Jasmine, Mondo and Dean (5-9 a.m.), Kevin Scott and Greg Hill (9-Noon), Newy Scruggs-Sean Salisbury (Noon-3), Ben & Skin with Tim Cowlishaw and Sybil Summers (3-7), and Pete Stein and Mike Rodriguez (7-10 p.m.).
*Admit it, you didn’t think The Fan would see its 4th sunrise much less its 4th birthday. If only I had a nickel for every time someone would promise me that The Fan was on the verge of flipping formats to Tejano. Don’t worry, we’ve all had our doubts along the way and still, to be honest, we have moments of “where the hell are we headed?” and “are we there yet?” In the immortal and hypnotic words of Jason Garrett, it’s a process. But we thank you loyal FanFans and, yes, even our critics. And we’re ready to show our appreciation Saturday night at the Irving Convention Center via Fanniversary. You’re all welcome. Yes, even you.
* … Ambien Greggo dead-panning that he was wearing a “long-sleeved, sleeveless vest” during a RAGE road trip to watch the Mavs’ playoff series against the Thunder in Oklahoma City … Choppy flirting with the Indianapolis hotel manager via the very cocky, “Of course you like me, I’m shirtless.” … St. Patrick’s Day Greenville Avenue Parade: Guns Up! Face Down!! … Slater karaoke in Oxnard, California: “When I think about you I comb my hair.” … Arnie striking out in slow-pitch softball at our charity game in Mansfield … Greggo: “Hello FanFans, you human amphibious Cargo-shorts-wearing marsupials” …
*Other hosts/personalities that made cameos along the way: Lacy Gee/ Arnie Spanier/ Dan O’Malley/ Jedi Janzen/ Keith Lebowitz/ Newy Scruggs/ Brian LaMartina/ Mike Ogulnick/ Gregg Henson/ Sniper John/ Paul Barsky/ Matt Barrie/ Wally Lynn/ HGG/ Pol the Pompous Brit/ RAGE Redneck/ Eddie Gossage/ Elvis Andrus/ Sean Lee/ Brandon Carr/ Jason Garrett/ Jay Ratliff. I’m sure I’m forgetting a couple … or 10.
* … Elf asking Sybil “Sex or Food?” and then falling down half-laughing/half-hyperventilating in the parking lot of the Winstar Casino … Tony Romo calling in unannounced to Arnie Spanier’s show and Arnie not believing it … Jasmine making her Oh-face – and oozing Oh-screams – while somehow erotically popping balloons … Sybil getting the Rangers’ Nelson Cruz to say of Japanese pitcher Yu Darvish, “He’s from … chinaTOWN!”, which still makes absolutely zero sense … Elf smashing Wiffle Ball homers in the parking lot of some greasy spoon during our Hometown Takeover in Gun Barrel City … Slow, Awesome Jeff chewing on a, yep, tampon during a particularly zesty night at Baby Dolls …
*To set a festive mood on Friday we’re offering The 105.3 FAN Remix, featuring Greggo, Sybil and Elf from 5:30-10 a.m., Choppy sandwiched by Slater and Jasmine 10-2 and then the Richie and Guilty Extravaganza featuring Shan from 2-7 p.m.
* … Bryan Dolgin: Banned for life … “You hadja shot!” … Guns Up Armen doing a golf-cart drive-by: “Hello, Mr. Hickman.” Rinse and repeat … A certain someone pulled their 47-year-old hamstring while attempting run a 40-yard dash at Cowboys Training Camp 2010 in San Antonio … Greggo kicking a bulldozer in anger outside of Busch Stadium after Game 6 of the 2011 World Series … Dead ‘n Gone classics: “Rattlesnake baby” and “Horse fire” (To be resurrected Friday? Stay tuned.) …
*So what exactly is Fanniversary? It’s a free – did I mention free? – party Saturday night at the Irving Convention Center from 7 p.m. until … we run outta alcohol. $10 to park. A couple bucks for a beer. But otherwise, free. And it’s 5 parties under one roof. The U2 cover band Mysterious Ways will play, flanked by unique, themed parties hosted by each show on The Fan. New School will have its club party ice-shot slides and hotties in body paint. Elf & Slater will host a beach party with hula dancers and Jane in a red, Baywatch-style one piece swimsuit. Camp G-Bag will feature laser tag, gaming and girls in camouflage bikinis. And RAGE will be kickin’ it in the corral, complete with a mechanical bull, whiskey shots, Texas Hold ‘Em, gun fighting and saloon girls. Tickets? We got loads of them at our Friday broadcast location: 183-Mockingbird. Just show up and ask.
* … Sean Salisbury punching a wall in former program director Tom Bigby’s office … Robo-Greggo … Sybil admitting to, yes, wearing “granny panties.” … All-night Rangers Post-Game Show after they beat Yankees in ’10 ALCS to clinch first trip to World Series. Calling random New York deli and drunkenly screaming, “I know what time it is Falafel, it’s winnin’ time!” … My on-air clash with Ravens newspaper dork Aaron Wilson in which he attempted to zing me with “You’re not my dad!” … My Make-A-Wish hero, Jackson … Anthony Spencer vs. Victor Butler in the great Dragonfly debate of ’12 … Sneaking a bite of former partner Newy Scruggs’ sandwich from the mini-fridge and then attempting to stifle a laugh when he stormed around the office screaming “What sick mutha fucka took a bite of my sammich?!” … Getting a ticket with Shan and Slater on Malibu Beach in California for – gasp – carrying an unopened beer onto the sand. Price tag: $510 … Pranking Greggo via Vandergriff Honda endorsement and coaxing from him the classic “Shut up Armen!” … Breaking the news to Jerry Jones on the air that the Cowboys had missed out on signing free-agent cornerback Nnamdi Asomugha to the hated Eagles … And, finally, having someone fire bullets into our office building last Friday.
*A special thanks to original program director Gavin Spittle. I’d only done guest appearances in radio on KLIF, The Ticket and Live 105.3 before he called me in December ’08 with this question: “Can you be as big of an asshole on the radio as you are in print?” I was hired on the spot, began working the coveted 6 a.m. Sunday morning spot until that blossomed into a July ’09 regular gig with Newy, which sprouted into RAGE with Greggo, Sybil and Armen in Nov. ‘10. And one of these days – maybe – I’ll stop trying to be an a-hole about everything. But probably not.
*This weekend? Today I’m co-hosting RAGE 2-7 with Shan Shariff. Saturday it’s tennis in the morning and then 105.3 The Fan’s Fanniversary at night. Sunday morning I’ll co-host the Official Cowboys Pre-Game Show from 9-Noon before Cowboys-Bengals. Don’t be a stranger.