Whether you’ve reached the end of your rope or merely the end of your week, welcome to Whitt’s End:
*Manti Te’No. As in, nope, still don’t believe his version of the fake girlfriend supposed hoax. When Katie Couric asked him why he never went to visit “Lennay Kekua” when she was on her death bed, he said “I guess it didn’t occur to me.” What the what?! And then, when pressed on how he at least didn’t Skype or FaceTime with the “love of his life” at some point over a 3-year period he claimed her webcam showed only a shadow. Asked for more details he offered, “I wasn’t really paying attention.” Yeah, right. And is there any doubt that Te’o and his “girlfriend” had phone sex after 1,000 of talking? If the story is true, he had phone climax with a dude. But of course, now voice experts are saying no way the Kekua voice is anything but a female. Stay tuned. This story has only begun to unravel.
*Lance confessed and Bill Callahan supposedly sabotaged and a Heisman Trophy finalist had a girlfriend that never existed. But the most confounding headline of the year is “Jay Ratliff arrested for DWI.” Incomprehensible that he’d be that irresponsible just 42 days after attending the funeral of teammate Jerry Brown, killed during Josh Brent’s drunken crash.
*I know a majority of the response will be “slippery slope” or “they’re taking away our freedom!”, but I’m all for mandatory Blow-n-Go tubes in all vehicles. Been drinking? Fine, car won’t start. Why? Because I’m all for a little inconvenience if it’ll make ours a much safer world. Blowing alcohol-free breath into a tube every 20 minutes or so is no biggie to me. I also don’t mind seat belts, or not smoking on airplanes or trampolines with safety nets around them. To you it’s an infringement. To me it’s progress.
*I’m not saying the move is a bad one, I’m just demanding that Jerry Jones doesn’t try to sell us that getting stripped of play-calling duties is someone a “step forward” for Jason Garrett. We’re naïve, but we ain’t Manti Te’o.
*Rob Ryan finally hired as Rams’ defensive coordinator. What he said would be “five minutes” actually took 16 days. So, according to the Rob Ryan time continuum, I’m only like 19 years old.
*Found a reason to actually watch the Winter X Games. Her name is Ramona Bruland. Buh-NAN-uh.
*The Cowboys’ new special teams coach is Rich Bisaccia. In San Diego last season his punt unit had three kicks blocked. That is all.
*Potential new Cowboys’ fullback Sam Gash has the perfect name. Unless, that is, you’re his sister. Right, Samantha Gash?
*No Mavs on the NBA All-Star team. First time this millennium.
*The leading scorer in the SEC is a white dude, Ole Miss guard named Marshall Henderson. He has the Rebels 5-0 in conference for the first time since 1937. But, no, I don’t think he’s anything special.
*Djokovich and Django. Both great escape artists. If you’ve seen the movie or been watching the Australian Open, you know what I’m talking about. And, yes, the D’s are silent. For some reason.
*FanFan swears that the day after he was released from jail Ratliff went to a Grapevine restaurant/bar and was, yep, drinking. Can’t be. Can it?
*After lusting after a buddy’s iPhone 5 last weekend it’s time for me to upgrade. I’m told I can sell my 3 and 4s online and get upwards of $200? Um, how exactly do I do that?
*Watched American Horror Story: Asylum this season. Very creepy. But not that well done. Too many plot holes for a critical thinker – er, skeptic – like me. If Kit and Lana got out of Briarcliff, they’d live their whole life and never ever never set foot in that joint again.
*At the Super Bowl I’m rooming with Jasmine. And assistant program director TimTom Collins. Should be interesting. If I see her panties I promise to Tweet what color they are.
*If you missed the details of my Master Cleanse final tally, they’re right here.
*This weekend? Saturday morning it’s tennis in the beautiful Texas winter weather, followed by an afternoon at Vandergriff Honda in Arlington 11-1 and the night at Baby Dolls for UFC on Fox from 7-9. Sunday morning it’s off to New Orleans for Super Bowl 47 with the 105.3 The Fan crew via fancy RV. Don’t be a stranger.
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