TALE OF THE TAPE

  1. New York Jets v New York Giants Atlanta Falcons v Baltimore Ravens
    Tale Of The Tape: New York Jets At Atlanta Falcons

    Geno Smith has exceeded expectations by the numbers that he has produced. The Jets rank 16th out of the 32 teams in the NFL in passing yards per game, and nobody thought Smith would be at that level during his rookie season.

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    The Giants Losing To Carolina Vs. Little Mac Losing To Glass Joe In “Punch-Out”

    Perhaps the most lopsided battle in video game sports is that of Little Mac vs. Glass Joe – the first fight in Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out! If done correctly, skilled players can knock the beans out of Joe in 42 seconds, flat. Unskilled players can still take him out before three rounds are up. And unskilled players who think too much would wonder – why is a French guy named “Joe”?

    In any case, we here at CBS wondered, what was a more lopsided matchup (and subsequent surprising defeat): Mac vs. Joe? Or the recent Super Bowl champion New York Giants vs. the mostly hapless Carolina Panthers? Let’s go to the tape. Please note that the “winner” of each category is the more humiliating option:

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    One Broken Arm Later: Nate Burleson’s Pizza Vs. DiGiorno (It’s Not Delivery)

    Detroit Lions’ wide receiver Nate Burleson is great at receiving both deftly thrown footballs and emergency roadside medical treatment. Recently, he crashed his car into a Jersey barrier after dropping a slice of pizza around 2:30 in the morning. Apparently there was no hooch in his system, it’s just that he was being a big ol’ bag of dum-dum lollipops. The question that we at CBS can’t help but ask: would he have been better off cooking himself a DiGiorno frozen pizza? Let’s go to the tape.

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    Tale Of The Tape: Chicago Bears At Detroit Lions

    Through the first three weeks of the season, the marriage between Jay Cutler and head coach Marc Trestman is working out quite nicely.

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    Tale Of The Tape: New York Jets At Tennessee Titans

    Geno Smith has done enough to keep the Jets’ heads above water.

  6. Philadelphia Eagles v Washington Redskins Chicago Bears v Oakland Raiders
    Tale Of The Tape: Washington Redskins At Oakland Raiders

    Robert Griffin III is off to a difficult start and he does not appear to be at his best, despite what the Redskins say.