Whether you’ve reached the end of your rope or merely the end of your week, welcome to Whitt’s End:
*Andre Reed is high-fiving strangers. Warren Moon is playing $100-a-hand blackjack. Working women are saturating the joint with attitude and aggressive advances on their prospective “dates.” A man dressed in Ravens gear slowly waltzes past the craps table and calmly spits a giant loogie – right onto the carpeted floor. A stunning blonde who must be Elizabeth Shue’s hotter, younger, curvier sister draws mouth-dropping stares. A woman built like a fire hydrant carries behind her a XXXXXXXL ass stuffed into a tight, red skirt that’s screaming for mercy. And out front there is Terrell Owens, trying to hang on as a “playa” but put into his place by a clever, ballsy fan. “Hey T.O.!” the guy yells, “how ‘bout them Wranglers!” It is 3:14 a.m. on February 1 at Harrah’s Casino in New Orleans. There is nothing like the Super Bowl scene.
*Not a good sign for your team when the old players are still more popular than the current players. But no doubt that Emmitt Smith and Michael Irvin and even Daryl Johnston were drawing more attention this week than Jason Witten and DeMarcus Ware.
*Another injury for Dirk Nowitzki<>. My fear is by the time the Mavericks finally land a big fish with their dry powder, he’ll be a physical shadow of the guy who won a title in 2011.
*I guess it’s cool to see Jim and John Harbaugh this morning holding the Super Bowl’s first ever joint head coaches press conference. But it also dilutes the passion of the uninvested rooting interest, kinda like when Venus and Serena Williams play in a Grand Slam final.
*Deer antler spray. Screw Ray Lewis and the Harbaugh brothers, we’ve already got Super Bowl 47’s lasting legacy.
*Fan Bowl II. Tomorrow night. House of Blues. I’ll be there to defend my title. Book it. https://dfw.cbslocal.com/fan-bowl/
*Sybil drops her iPhone in the street in New Orleans and someone promptly scoops it up and takes off. With her iCloud “find my phone” function turned on and the “Find my iPhone” app downloaded, we immediately find the green flashing dot that pinpoints her phone. But … then what? It’s not like the “thief” is just walking around waving the phone in the air. Police said they can’t just go around frisking folks. And, just when we thought we had it located, the green dot moved. Bottom line: If you lose your phone or forgot where you put it, the system is great. But if a “runner” has your phone, nope.
*Toldja a couple weeks ago that Cowboys fans weren’t ready for an openly gay player. Turns out the 49ers aren’t either.
*Just for fun, Sybil and I stumbled into Bourbon Street’s seediest-looking strip club. Within 5 minutes who do we spot? Shan Shariff. Guilty.
*Nelson Cruz allegedly paid $4,000 for illegal performance enhancing drugs. I’m allegedly not surprised. Not allegedly even a little bit. Last year it was Josh Hamilton getting busy in a Sherlock’s bathroom. The Rangers have a negative knack for stealing Super Bowl week headlines.
*Wildest woman in New Orleans this week might have been Hurricane Jane Slater of The Fan. Free lap dances to strangers in the strip club. Diving on top of taxies. And, yep, even pulling out her hair extensions and slapping the lobby night clerk about the face with them.
*Ware is walking around New Orleans with his right arm in a sling and for two weeks he’s been sleeping upright in a recliner. Sometimes we forget the injuries don’t stop just because the NFL season does.
*Oh, so Manti Te’o hoax choreographer Ronaiah Tuiasosopo fabricated a fake woman because has … wait for it … molested as a child. Wouldn’t name his attacker and never said a word to police. Yeah, right. We haven’t heard the last of this bizarre case.
*Phil Mickelson is considering moving out of California because tax increases may force him to pay as much as 50 percent on his annual approximate earnings of $60 million. Phil Mickelson lipped out a long birdie putt that would have netted him a 59 in the first round of a tournament this week and called said he was “mortified.” Sorry, but Phil Mickelson shouldn’t be a subject of your empathy. He’s doing just fine. Right, average guy who can barely break 100 and struggles to make it check to check?
*Some people can’t wait for their head to hit a soft pillow each night. My radio partner Greggo? He sometimes sleeps with his forehead hanging off the bed and “resting” – forehead on plywood – on the nightstand. I have no explanation.
*Props to Beyonce for busting out a live, lively National Anthem Thursday. Shut her critics up and good.
*Take a second from salivating all over John Harbaugh this week to remember he was Baltimore’s second choice to be head coach 5 seasons ago. The first? Jason Garrett. Jason turned down the Ravens because he knew one day he’d be the coach of the Cowboys. And the rest is, yep, history.
*According Public Policy Polling, fewer Texans approve of Jerry Jones these days than support Texas’ secession from the union and believe in Lance Armstrong.
*Former Cowboys’ defensive lineman Too Tall Jones played golf with Junior Seau the day before the Hall of Fame linebacker committed suicide by shooting himself in the chest.
*Best Super Bowl prop bet: It’s only 2/1 that Alicia Keys will forget a word of the National Anthem. In other words, put $500 on her nailing it and when she does, you’ve won a quick $250.
*Sucks, but I’m betting the death of a snowmobile jumper increases the TV ratings for the next Winter X Games.
*I’m not the only who despises Ray Lewis and his ridiculous antics. The dancing. The preening. The look-at-me. Former Giants’ receiver Amani Toomer echoed those sentiments this week along the Super Bowl’s radio row. “He’s a great player,” Toomer said. “But this should be about football, not some silly dancing with the grass and all out. He’s supposed to be the ultimate team player and leader, but all he does is single himself out for attention above and beyond his teammates.” Screw the Ray-vens.
*This weekend? After a fun, but looong week in New Orleans, The 105.3 The Fan crew jumps on the RV tonight for the 9-hour drive back to the Metroplex. Quick turnaround, but Saturday night is Fan Bowl 2. And, of course, Sunday it’s Ravens-49ers. On the couch. With one eye open. Don’t be a stranger.
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